


impasse

by a_shame (sora_san89)



Series: mundane ramblings of a nonsensical person [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Open to Interpretation, POV First Person, Rants, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 10:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14591058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sora_san89/pseuds/a_shame
Summary: Shame fills up my entire being.I'm disappointed in myself.





	impasse

`"im hurting"`

`"someone please tell me what to do"`

`"i fucking hate myself"`

`"im so tired"`

`"i want to die"`

`"im sorry im sorry im sorry im---"`

  


I can almost hear you whisper them, your thoughts. I can feel them weigh heavily in my chest. My fatigued eyes take in everything that you want to say. My fingers twitch as I try, _try_ so hard, to send you words of assurance. To tell you that I care. To tell you that I love you. To tell you that I'm here for you. To try and lift your spirits up, even for a respite.

You're sad. So, _so_ sad.

You're anxious.

You're grieving.

You're confused.

You're doubting yourself.

You're hating yourself.

You want to hurt yourself.

Your feelings are so heavy. So, _so_ heavy.

I want to help you as much as I can. 

Even though we're distant.

Even though I haven't seen your face.

Even though you haven't fully opened up to me yet.

You've been nothing but patient with me, always been supportive of me. You've gently led me away from the darkness that tries to consume me time and time again.

_And all I've ever done for you is nothing._

I don't understand why the nearer I want to be with you, the further away I push myself from you.

_One step forward..._

_...three steps back._

My arms try to reach out.

But I held them back.

I held them back because.

Because?

  


Why?

  


_Why am I holding back?_

  


I'm stuck.

  


I'm lost.

  


I'm sorry.

  
__

Why can't I help you?

Why can't I be there for you?

Why am I doing this to someone as kind as you?

Why do I keep hurting you?

  


_**I left you in the dark.**_

  
`"you told me that you love me but its all a lie."`  


  


How pathetic.

  


I'm pathetic.

  


_You don't deserve this._

  


My hand hangs heavy.

My heart pounds painfully.

But I can't bring myself to reach you.


End file.
